The Whole Shebang
by beanpaste-chan
Summary: Gaara and Sasuke are the best actors at drama camp. Unfortunately, they have painfully large egos. When they and their egos collide over a role in Sweeney Todd, the whole camp gets destroyed hilariously in the process. 1% songfic, 2% drama, 100% stupid!


**I got this idea when I was watching the original 'Sweeney Todd' musical on DVD, and I realized that Gaara would make a really good Sweeney Todd. A really, really, REALLY good Sweeney Todd. Anyway, enjoy this!**

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Sasuke Uchiha was king over his summer acting camp. He had been there for six years, and was, in his egotistical opinion, the best actor there. All the younger people looked up to him as their deity, and he liked that. He liked that a lot.

Another year was dawning, and he was at the place where all his happiness took place. While he was at home, he was just a good-looking emo kid. But when he stepped on the stage there, he was a god. No, not _a _god, he was God. To him, anyways. And he had a really, really big ego for an emo guy.

To contrast that, Gaara Sabaku was the angsty punk kid who enjoyed video games that required killing zombies and mutants, and only came to the acting camp because he was good. 'Twas true, he was quite good. He was in his sixth year as well, but had never been in the same group as Sasuke. 

At least, until that year. The year that would be one of the most... interesting... of their lives, even more... interesting... than the year that Gaara believed that his sister, Temari, was becoming a Puppet Nurse from Silent Hill and constantly hit her over the head with whatever was on hand. More... interesting... than the year Sasuke officially became 'emo'. Yes, that year was the most... interesting... in many people's lives.

But, anyways, on to the story.

Sasuke was perusing that year's group list. As usual, he was in Group One, the best of the best. 

"Hm, that's strange, somebody I don't know is on here."

Gaara Sabaku. "Strange name for somebody," remarked a voice to his left. Shikamaru.

Shikamaru Nara was also in Group One. He was impossibly lazy, but a very good actor. He also had one of the strangest senses of humor that could possibly attach itself to a human being. 

"Hey, Shikamaru."

"Sup, Uchiha."

And, if Shikamaru was there, that meant Naruto had to be there. He HAD to be. It wasn't right if he wasn't there.

And, of course, he was. No summer camp was complete without Naruto Uzumaki, Sasuke's best friend/rival in the whole wide world. 

"Yo, Sasuke!" said Naruto, grinning. "Horrible school year?"

"Yeah, it sucked crap. But I'm here, so they didn't do me in."

"Oh, jeez, same with me. I have the WORST teachers..."

Sasuke turned to the blond. "Naruto, do you know who _this_-" he pointed to Gaara's name on the list –"is?"

Naruto shook his head. "Sorry, dude, can't tell. Dang strange name, though."

"Sasuke!" squealed a girl's voice. 

"Oh crap," said Sasuke.

A girl with frighteningly pink hair barreled out to greet them. "Sasuke, I missed you soooooooooooooooooooo much, like ohmygawd!"

"Sakura," Sasuke hissed as the girl latched onto him. Ever since his first year, she had seemed to think that she loved him. In his mind, she was schizo. 

Another girl, Ino, smiled and tried to latch onto Sasuke as well, but Sakura pushed her off and started growling. Ino seemed to like Sasuke, but a bit more like a close friend. After all, they had known each other since second year.

"Whoo! Catfight, catfight!" Shikamaru roared, and Naruto joined in with the chant along with several others. 

"Cat-fight! Cat-fight! Cat-fight!"

Another person brushed past Sasuke. He had the brightest red hair he had ever seen, and had the Japanese character 'Ai' tattooed on his forehead, in addition to too many piercings on both his ears and face. 

"Gaara Sabaku, Gaara Sabaku," he muttered, tracing his finger down the list. "Here I am. Group One."

"You're Gaara Sabaku?" asked Sasuke indignantly. 

"Yeah, what's it to you?"

He remembered. Gaara had been in the last year's Group Two performance of The Nightmare Before Christmas. Gaara had been good, but Sasuke was never gonna admit that.

"You were Oogie Boogie in The Nightmare Before Christmas? You looked like a male stripper."

"Ooooooooooh..." went the gathering crowd of Group One-ers.

"Who the hell do you think you are? Do you think you're Jesus or something? You think you can criticize me 'cause you're Jesus?"

"No, no I don't. But I'm only pointing out that you looked like a male stripper," said Sasuke, grinning. 

"Well, for your information, I was not going to wear a burlap sack or play an obese bag of insects. I thought I did pretty damn well, so there. You're Sasuke Uchiha, right?"

Sasuke turned the other way, crossing his arms. "I'm not going to answer that."

"Well, Sasu-GAY, you absolutely butchered last year's performance of Hamlet, Prince of Denmark. It was so bad that I almost vomited while watching it, that's how horribly bad it was."

Sasuke turned around, glaring. "What was it you said?"

"Oh, not so happy now that you're being insulted, eh, potato?"

"Potato...?" mouthed Sasuke. "What the hell..."

"Yeah, I called you a potato. So deal with it, stupid!" said Gaara, leaning in. 

"Say what you just said to my face, I didn't hear you," Sasuke said in a deadly whisper. 

"I said that your performance sucked, potato."

Sasuke leaned in. Their faces were almost touching. They both glared at each other. All of a sudden, they started yelling. 

"YOU ASSHOLE, HOW DARE YOU INSULT MY PERFORMANCE-"

"I HOPE YOU DIE IN A HOLE, POTATO!"

"I DID AS WELL AS A SHAKESPEAREAN ACTOR-"

"HA! A POP-TART COULD DO BETTER THAN YOU-"

"WELL, AT LEAST I DON'T LOOK LIKE A MALE STRIPPER!"

"AT LEAST I DON'T LOOK LIKE I GOT SPIT UP BY HOT TOPIC!"

Ignored by Gaara, Sasuke, and the Group One-ers, a man with a shock of silver-white hair and a facial mask walked up. "Holy crap, am I stuck with you idiots again?" he asked himself. 

"Fight! Fight!" Shikamaru chanted, and most of the Group One-ers started in. "Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!"

Gaara and Sasuke looked like they were going to start fighting, alright. Just as Sasuke was clenching his fingers into a fist, the man came in between them.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on, before I get sued, stop, go your separate ways, whatever," he said. 

"Kakashi-sensei," whined Naruto, "you spoil all our fun!"

"Deal with it," muttered Kakashi. Despite his hair, he looked young; about twenty-five or so. "Alrighty then, Group One-ers, come with me."

A chunk of people, including Gaara and Sasuke, went off, grumbling, with Kakashi. 

But, even with Kakashi leading them off to their headquarters, both Sasuke and Gaara vowed revenge on each other. And they vowed that their intricate revenge plans would not be pretty. 

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**By the way, 'potato' is 'imo' in Japanese. Notice how much 'imo' soundslike 'emo'. **

**Anyways, didya like it? Was it horrible? There's only one way to vent your feelings: review!**

**But I ask you, if it was so horrible that you wanted to vomit (like Gaara!) please seethe inwardly. Thank you.**


End file.
